Eckenrode Family

A Year of Choice: The Power of Story

I've mentioned before that I receive a daily email from Scott Noelle's The Daily Groove and more than once these emails have spoken directly to an issue that I'm facing in parenting. Yesterday after posting about the challenges I've been having with Ben I recieved in my inbox The Daily Groove with the subject being "The Power of Story." This is an idea that I've read about before but it's always nice to have a reminder and it's timliness was spot on. So, I thought I'd share it here as a reminder to myself:

From www.enjoyparenting.com:

Children love stories for their power to evoke creation: Stories told with conviction inspire imaginary worlds that feel real and shape one's sense of truth.

Anytime you talk about anything, you are in essence telling a story that "in-forms" your world...

• You tell a story when someone asks you, "How've you been?"
• You tell a story whenever you chat with your friends about how difficult or easy it is to parent your child.
• You tell yourself stories when you recall good or bad memories, worry about tomorrow, anticipate fun, etc.

Whatever story or theme you repeat most often becomes the story of your life. That means you can change your life by changing your story!

Today, pay attention to what you say — to your child, yourself, and others — and ask yourself, "If this were a story, what kind of story would it be? How do I feel when I tell this story?"

So when some aspect of your life (relationships, health, money, etc.) feels like a grind, you can transform it into a groove by changing the stories you tell about it.

But this only works if you believe your groovy new stories, so it's best to change them gradually. For example, if you realize you're running a story like...

"I always get into power struggles with my child."

...it's not believable to change it immediately to...

"Our relationship is perfectly harmonious."

A more believable new story would be...

"We used to fight a lot, but I finally surrendered to Love — I decided that I'd rather feel good than be 'right' — and now, every day, little by little, I discover new ways to create harmony."

In other words, you can change your life by telling a story about changing!

November - A Month of Gratitude

Miles left this note on the table for us to find.

There's an old saying that if you've forgotten the language of gratitude, you'll never be on speaking terms with happiness.

The month of gratitude idea came from here.

Simply Ten Things

Inspired by Soulemama to name ten good things I've come up with the following list.

Simply ten

the time and preparation going into Ben’s 5^th birthday party, giving me time to meditate on the love I have for him and on who he has become over these 5 years

a boy who still wants his mama to make him things and insisted on a birthday shirt

early morning fog as the backdrop to these vibrant fall colors

the changing light and its signal of the changing seasons

making new friends

watching Ben make friends

rediscovering life without a cell phone and realizing that it is at once more simple and more complicated

warmer temperatures that have allowed for open windows and after dark outdoor play

the occasional crow of our rooster who is beginning to slowly discover his voice

discovering that a child of mine actually enjoys and excels in math

Reasons For Which I Found Joy Today

 :: Having as my first chore of the day opening the coop and letting Chief and the girls out.
:: Watching the incredible enthsiasm they show for the start of the day.
:: Observing the changing light in the garden.



:: Witnessesing the imaginative play that emerges between these two when the day is completely open.

:: Visiting the coop throughout the day to collect eggs and take the chickens scraps from our kitchen.


:: Marveling at the variety found in nature while washing the potatoes for dinner.
:: And finally, listening to this song.

A Moment of Complete Domestic Bliss

Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore by John Prine was playing.

A Bride To Amazement

Lately I've been obbssessing over the amazing growth of the corn and sunflowers in our garden. I've enjoyed watching the ears of corn appear on the stalk and love looking up at the tassel towering above my head, with a backdrop of the sky. I love this plant.


I am amazed by the sunflowers, already towering far above my head, gaining what seems like feet of growth overnight. I love watching the heads of the sunflower seeking out the daylight, leaning east in the morning, straight up in the afternoon and then to the west in the evening. Walking through the garden, it is easy to find amazement. I am reminded of this poem by Mary Oliver:

"A Bride Married to Amazement"

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say all my life
I was a bride married to amazement,
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

-Mary Oliver, from “New and Selected Poems, Volume One”

Colors of the Morning and He Wants to Sew

This morning I went out with the camera and captured some of the rich colors around us. The growing garden, the chicks and especially Chief, our rooster.


I think I heard some sort of rooster/crowing noise come out of him today. We were so excited.

After the storm and in the heat of the day Ben insisted that I try to teach him how to knit. We tried again, but no luck yet. So, he got the idea to sew something. I was hot and short on patience but I kept thinking to myself of a few ideas I've read recently. One, there is time for everything. So, even though I had dinner on my mind, I realized I had time to do it all and it made me relax and enjoy the process. I also remembered something that I read about how in the end it won't matter how much we've gotten done, but the quality of the relationships we've formed. These ideas really put my day in perspective and I realized that even though having him on my lap on this 90 degree day, teaching him to sew and trying to be patient wasn't how I'd envisioned the day, it was exactly what we were meant to be doing and it put a smile on his face.



Tonight he is asleep with his head on a pillowcase that he made himself and I know that feels good and I'm so glad I helped to make that happen.

The Stress Will Be Forgotten

Two projects I’d been working on were both coming close to getting finished when they simultaneously ran into problems. The yarn I’d been using to knit a cardigan had a previous life as a wantabe sweater that got frogged several times and then finally frogged and forgotten about. Then, I found the perfect project for this yarn to become a short sleeved cardigan and after twice ordering one or two more balls of yarn online I was finally rounding the finish line when the last row was being knitted and the yarn was becoming impossibly short. I have to wait on the last ball of yarn to make its way to me through the mail before this project sees it end.

Then I was working on a table runner. I liked the way the Easter runner that tim’s mom made brightened up the kitchen and added a homey feel to the room. After seeing Salt & Chocolate’s version of the table runner, I was inspired to make my own using log cabin squares. Log cabin squares are so easy and addictive. This project was getting its finishing touches when I decided the quilting was too busy to appreciate the fabrics I’d chosen and so I ripped out thousands of stitches. In the end I’m happy with the simple design.
 Its funny how crafting, which usually brings me peace and appreciation can also cause me such grief and stress. In the end the stress will be forgotten.

Unconditional Presence

Despite what you see here the boys have been doing a lot of bickering lately. A lot. It is so easy to allow my blood to boil and to explode. I recently read a post by Scott Noelle about having an unconditional presence by invisioning yourself as an oak tree, not allowing your children to uproot you. Now, when I hear one teasing the other and the resulting screaming and hitting I try to bring to mind the visual picture of a tall, strong tree. I love this idea and the image of a tall, strong tree is easy to grasp and hold onto in those moments.

With the few days of milder weather we worked to continue to clear the lot line and we have been rewarded with a nice view of the ravine behind us. Today I stood here and could hear the stream that sometimes flows in the valley.

We are also working to clear the lot line behind the garden in anticipation of the chickens and their coop. We're so excited (and ready) for spring!

 

The Year of Choice

I clearly remember the phone call I made to my grandma one day when I was in my early twenties where I exclaimed to her that I’d learned that happiness is a choice. I was so excited when I came to this realization that I needed to share it with her, as I did everything important in my life. She agreed and I told her it was exciting to discover this because it meant that I was more in control of my life than I’d ever imagined. That it didn’t really matter what happened to me externally, that it was my choice in how I reacted to these events. This is a lesson that I need to remind myself of again and again. The more and more I remember this over the years, the easier it has been to believe it and live it.

The idea of the power of choice has reached into all areas of my life and I am so empowered by it. I receive a daily email from The Daily Groove by Scott Noelle in which ideas related to this notion are applied to parenthood. One email described the idea of invisible abundance where he said, “When you believe that there is plenty of good stuff – time, energy, and especially love – most problems simply dissolve.” In other words, choosing to believe that you have enough and you are enough solves most problems.

This idea of choice has also helped me deal with feelings that I have relating to my brother’s death. When I was 22 I lost my brother to cancer. He suffered for about 10 months with the disease before we lost him. As anyone who has lost someone close to them knows, memories of the person will sometimes blindside you. For me these memories very often are surrounded around his death and dying. I will be reminded of a memory that has the ability to take my breath away and leave me feeling down. Recently I made the choice to allow these memories to sit with me for a moment and then to counter those bad memories with a good one. I force myself to dig back and retrieve a positive memory and allow myself to feel the love and happiness that comes with it.

The power of choice has also helped me in my marriage where when a disagreement arises; I’ve decided I can choose connection or disconnection. I’ve realized it is better to walk right through the differences we have, confront them and then let them go.

I am working on bringing this realization to work in making new friendships where I’ve realized that choosing to be vulnerable allows for connection. I am making more of an effort to be completely real and completely put it all out there and know that it will allow for deeper and more meaningful connections with others.

 

The power of choice is such a huge part of the way I try to live that I would love to join Erin at Bluebirdbaby on her journey of The Year of Choice. I hope that by documenting those choices here on my blog I will be more conscious of these choices and how they alter and better my life.