Eckenrode Family

Grandma

Grandma with my mom.

It is so hard to be in a world where you are not.
You were my soft place to fall. You listened to me always, without judgment, only love. I believe that if you weren’t my grandma and I wasn’t your granddaughter, that we would have been friends.

Well-worn Keds, Double Mint gum, green machines, Dove soap, Oil of Olay lotion, Klondike Bars and Election Day – these things are you to me.

I remember laying on your couch when I was home sick from school drinking 7-up, listening to music on headphones and making you listen to song after song and you did it and you made me believe you were enjoying my music. I remember staying at your house as a child and you bathing me – I’d never been so clean. As teenagers, we would walk in your house and you’d hug us and always say, “I don’t know if you’re getting taller or I’m getting shorter.”

I showed up at your door one day in my early twenties, probably with some bizarre new hair color and maybe a new piercing but you opened the door so happy to see me and you said, “Don’t ever change.” Those three words were the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. In those three words you told me that I am enough.

I’m not sure why you had that disease or what the point of all of that was. What was the point?
The first time I came to see you when you were unable to even fake a hello; the first time neither one of us could pretend that you didn’t know me, that hurt. It hurt so much but I couldn’t really mourn you then. I was overcome with the loss I felt, but I had to hide the emotion because seeing someone cry upset you. And so, I cried behind your back and then pulled myself together. It is only now that I can acknowledge the total loss of you; body and spirit. It hurts and I miss you but I’m so glad you’re free.

A Year of Choice: The Power of Story

I've mentioned before that I receive a daily email from Scott Noelle's The Daily Groove and more than once these emails have spoken directly to an issue that I'm facing in parenting. Yesterday after posting about the challenges I've been having with Ben I recieved in my inbox The Daily Groove with the subject being "The Power of Story." This is an idea that I've read about before but it's always nice to have a reminder and it's timliness was spot on. So, I thought I'd share it here as a reminder to myself:

From www.enjoyparenting.com:

Children love stories for their power to evoke creation: Stories told with conviction inspire imaginary worlds that feel real and shape one's sense of truth.

Anytime you talk about anything, you are in essence telling a story that "in-forms" your world...

• You tell a story when someone asks you, "How've you been?"
• You tell a story whenever you chat with your friends about how difficult or easy it is to parent your child.
• You tell yourself stories when you recall good or bad memories, worry about tomorrow, anticipate fun, etc.

Whatever story or theme you repeat most often becomes the story of your life. That means you can change your life by changing your story!

Today, pay attention to what you say — to your child, yourself, and others — and ask yourself, "If this were a story, what kind of story would it be? How do I feel when I tell this story?"

So when some aspect of your life (relationships, health, money, etc.) feels like a grind, you can transform it into a groove by changing the stories you tell about it.

But this only works if you believe your groovy new stories, so it's best to change them gradually. For example, if you realize you're running a story like...

"I always get into power struggles with my child."

...it's not believable to change it immediately to...

"Our relationship is perfectly harmonious."

A more believable new story would be...

"We used to fight a lot, but I finally surrendered to Love — I decided that I'd rather feel good than be 'right' — and now, every day, little by little, I discover new ways to create harmony."

In other words, you can change your life by telling a story about changing!

Getting it Out in Words

I think being five can be tough. Especially when you're the youngest. He wants so badly to shed all things that make him feel like a baby and he gets irritated when his brother is able to do things that he cannot do as well or as fast. He is my baby and so it's hard to watch him try to be so big so fast and with such growing pains. He is a force this child and he is every day and in every moment teaching me what real patience looks like. And everyday I fail at having this patience but at the same time I see myself growing too. One thing is for certain - we are both growing and changing and it can only be good.

I went to see grandma the other day. She is nearing the end and I can only find joy in the fact that she will soon escape this body and mind of hers that have given out on her. On my way to the nursing home I was reminded of visiting her mother with her and how able bodied and minded she was and I wished we could turn back time and she could leave with me and drive me home as she did when I was a child. The one solace I find in losing her is that I feel like I will gain her spirit back. Alzheimer's has stolen her spirit from me and I feel like in death, it will be released and I will feel her presence again. Already I have been experiencing good memories of her that I haven't had since her illness. I feel like these memories are being released now that she is nearing the end.

I have been absent from this space, feeling good in the silence. Somedays I feel like a bad mother, dealing with Ben's growing pains in an impatient way. Also, processing the loss of my grandmother has been making me feel a bit less chatty. It feels really good to have this all out in words now.

 

Ten on Ten: April

I had every intention of joining ten on ten this month and while I didn't exactly take a photo an hour for ten consecutive hours, I did my best. I hope next month I'm able to follow the exercise exactly. Today I found myself in the car for two hours running errands and while I did bring my camera along and even thought about a few pictures I could take, I didn't take one picture while I was out running around. Then, I stopped by a friends house for a few hours and I was enjoying her company too much to go out to my car to get my camera and take a photo. There is always next month... So anyway, I chose 10 photos out the of the ones I did take today and so here they are:

Seeds in the Ground

The garden has officially been started. We are excited about the richness of the soil this year due to mulched up leaves, ash from our woodburning stove and pine shavings from the chicken coop. We think the plants are going to love this rich soil this year.

Miles hockey season is now over and so our weekends have just gotten a lot more open. As much as we love to watch him play, it is nice to have this break in our schedule.
I've been working on some gardening soap and just made a batch with cornmeal and honey. The other two are green clay with peppermint and lemon tea tree and tangerine with orange peel.
And I can't help but add several photos of the chickens that I took today. They are loving this nice weather. We turned the soil over in their run and they were enjoying pecking around for worms. We have a bantam rooster in the group that just started to crow and it is the funniest thing to hear. It is a very high pictched crow. I really can't believe how much enjoyment these little creatures bring me. I enjoy greeting them each morning, watching how they interact with one another and just marveling at their beauty and diversity. I know, it may seem strange but I think I'm a bit obssessed.

Here is our bantam rooster. This is sort of how his crow sounds.

Here, Right Now

The morning was beautiful, feeling so much like spring.
Continuing to put a serious dent in that pile of Loulouthi fabric, I finished a table runner. I made this one two sided so that when I tire of one side, I can turn it to the other. I added a layer of flannel and bamboo batting to the center so that it could double as a hot pad.



Here's a picture from our morning drop off at school. Miles has been rocking a mohawk lately.
And here is a picture of Ben which he asked me to take. He rocked his pajamas for most the day until he went to a birthday party in the evening. Lately he's been into basketball, doing art projects and today he did a lot of hula hooping. When playing basketball out front he asked me if I knew how to do a donkey. I said 'no.' He then showed me (on a low basket) a dunk. I asked him if that was a donkey and he said yes. Then later in the day he said "Mom, I have really been into two things lately: drawing and hula hooping." Awesome.

I Will Eat Green Eggs and Ham

My view going to the coop to feed the chickens this morning.

I have been patiently awaiting the first eggs from our Ameraucana chickens so I screamed with excitement when I discovered one on Saturday morning.
It is still exciting to go out and collect the eggs from the coop. It's one of my favorite chores of the day.

I have also been slowly making a dent in the Anna Maria Horner Loulouthi fat quarters that I got from Sew to Speak. At first I toyed with the idea of making a quilt but stuck with my original plan to make a wall hanging, pillows, table runner and tea towels. With the pillows and wall hanging crossed off my list, the table runner is next up. For the pillows I followed the basic instructions for a log cabin square from Patchwork Style and used a simple envelope enclosure for the back.

Patchwork

To stave off the depressing gloom outside the window I've done two things in the last week. Since Tim was out of town, I took the boys down to listen to some live bluegrass music while we ate dinner and I've been making things. Miles loved the music and I was delighted that he unabashedly enjoyed the music. He bopped around to the music and enthusiastically clapped after every song.

Aside from live music, nothing is better for my midwinter blues that some patchwork sewing. I recently got some fat quarters of Anna Maria Horner's Loulouthi line and just seeing them piled on my sewing table has brightened my mood.

I have been bothered by a large blank wall in a dark corner of our house for awhile. After trying a few things in that spot I decided to make a wall hanging and I very happy with how it turned out. I did a big log cabin square in the middle and since I didn't have enough long scraps of the fabric to continue it I did some random border pieces.

Here it is in it's dark corner.

While I was doing a patchwork project I deicded Ben needed a case for the Motorola tablet he carries around to play games on. I watched him walk around with it under his arm and knew eventually it would slip and break. So, I asked him to pick out his favorite fabrics from my scaps jars and I pieced them together along with some batting and fleece to make a padded cover.

I think we both like how it turned out which is important because I'm pretty sure I'll be the one to carry it for him when he tires of playing with it.

 

Around the Yard Just Before Sunset

Sun & Warmth

He really wants one of these since seeing it at friend's house. Here he is taking pictures. The entrepreneur that he is, he came up with an idea to take pictures of "beautiful things," print the pictures with the printer that is in his room, and then have a sale. He has been doing any and everything to earn money to buy this tractor. Every thing I do he is one step ahead of me, doing the job for me or Miles. In the morning he puts Miles toothpaste on his brush, runs water over it and sets it next to the sink along with his vitamins. If I am carrying groceries from the van, he takes them from me and puts the cold things in the fridge. He runs to hold the door open where ever we go and then will stand there and open it for everyone like it's his job.

For Christmas Ben got a magic kit. He insisted on taking it to show and tell at school. I worried about him while he was at school because he has a hard time performing the magic correctly without "an assistant." When I picked him up I asked him how it went and he said, "Not good." He doesn't seem upset with himself but rather with the magic itself. I think he believes in the magic and that whether or not the tricks work out has nothing to do with him.
Tim recently made this penny hockey game for Miles which Tim's dad made for him when he was a kid. As a reward to his class for good behavior Miles teacher allowed them to bring in a game from home. According to Miles most of the kids came with electronic games. I was so happy he chose to take this. He said the kids were crowded around him and one of the kids were exclaiming, "Miles dad invented this game!"